(Photo by Antlers & Roses photography)
Tell us about you:
My name is Kelli and I’m 28...soon
to be 29 years young. I am wife to Trevor, Boss, and mom to Mila Jay, 3 ½ and
Duke Whitlatch, 15 months. I am a local to Central California and I really feel
lucky that I’ve been able to stay here to raise our family. I went to Chico
State and graduated with a degree in Liberal Arts and intended on getting my
teaching credential. I met Boss somewhere along that journey in 2007, we were
married in 2010 and learned I was pregnant shortly after in 2011. So the
teaching credential was put on the back burner. I’d still love to pursue that
goal down the road. Teaching is a passion of mine as well as crafting,
decorating, planning events and of course, being a mother is my deepest and
truest calling. In the deepest part of soul I believe I was meant to be a wife
and a mother.
What does a regular day look like
for you?
My kids are my alarm clock. I am not
a morning person, at all, not even a little bit, but over time I am getting
better. The kids get up, we have breakfast & after I’ve had my second, ok
who am I kidding, my third cup of joe, we “get ready for the day” and head out
to do whatever it is we’ve got on the list. Trevor works 60+ hours a week so my
list is everything that goes on around here. We are working on the transition
to one nap for Duke so keeping busy in the mornings in a challenge. Both kids
usually nap from 12-3ish. And then the ‘witching hour’ ensues. You know, that
time where everyone is hangry?! Dinner, bath and bed by 8. And then I crash.
And wake up and do it all over again!
How do you manage to balance life
and being a mom? If you're a working mom, how do you balance both your job and
being a mom?
I feel lucky in the fact that I get
to stay home with my kids but I really do look forward to working again in the
future. I’ve recently started my own business from home and it is taking more
time than I expected! I have to make sure when Boss is home, that I get an hour
or two to ‘work’, and still make sure the rest of the list gets taken care of.
But you know, I am not that crazy about ‘the list’. We live out of the dryer; I
run the de-wrinkle cycle every day, sometimes more than once. My floors are
nasty. Swept, but nasty. If you lift a toilet seat, you will probably regret
it. Sorry, dudes. I try my best to clean something, some room, daily but if it
doesn’t get done, no big. I don’t stress it. I feel like that’s the key to the
‘balance’. You gotta let it go. Let it be. If you stress, it just makes your
life harder. And really, no one notices but you. Maybe your mom, if she’s like
mine, but probably no one else. Promise.
When did you know you wanted to
be a mom? Was it something you always knew or was there a certain moment?
I don’t remember when I knew
exactly, but I don’t think it was ever a question. I just knew. It was always
‘when’, never ‘if’.
How has motherhood changed you?
Motherhood was something that
changed me from about two weeks into my very first pregnancy. I’ve had 4
pregnancies and only have two children. So you get the gist. I had two tubal
pregnancies so from that very first devastating blow it changed me. It made me
realize that being pregnant, that having a baby no matter how it gets into your
arms, is precious. A miracle. I would learn this lesson again, when Mila was two,
and I had my second tubal pregnancy. IVF was our new reality and to say I was
devastated is an understatement. But I have the sweetest son because of that
journey!
My children have taught me to be
patient. They have opened my eyes to the less fortunate. They have taught me
not to judge. They have taught me to smile a lot more. That it's ok to get wet
even when you don't want to, that splashing in the bath is actually fun!
Motherhood has changed me for the better. My relationship with my mother has
not been an easy one for as long as I can remember. Having my own children
opened my eyes to see that so many things were wrong, to see that she made
mistakes and most of all, to forgive her.
(Photo by Antlers & Roses photography)
What's the hardest thing about
being a mother? The most rewarding?
The hardest thing about being a
mother is the ever changing dynamic. Your relationship with your husband,
friends and family changes a lot. And it keeps changing. Every phase, every new
chapter brings new changes. Some are wonderful and you easily slide right into
it and others are hard and nitty gritty.
The most rewarding things about
motherhood is a list a mile long but probably my most cherished is new
milestones. Mila has been learning to write and when I see the letter H or a
circle with eyes and a nose and mouth and legs my heart seriously bursts at the
seams. Tonight she sat up in bed and said "Hi, my name is Mila Jay and I
have hairy arm pits!" It was like she was doing an intro at an AA meeting.
We all died in laughter for a good while. When Duke said ‘uh oh’ this morning
or Baaaaa’s at the goats, when he grunts for some soap in his hand and then
washes his belly; the smile seriously hurts my face for hours!
What was your biggest fear about
becoming a mother and what is your biggest fear as a mother now?
To be honest, I didn’t really have
any fears about being a mom. I knew I could do it and I had so much support.
Now that I am one, I have so much fear. Mostly of losing a child. It happens
too often and lately it seems to hit a little closer to home each time.
Do you ever have "how the
heck am I going to this!?" moments?
All the time. But you just do it.
And if you mess up? It’s ok. Kids are really forgiving and loving. 5 minutes
after you melt down, they hug you and tell you you’re the best. And then it’s
all ok and shortly after you will be wondering how you’re going to do the next
thing!
What's the best piece of advice
you have been given?
Never criticize how your husband
parents. If you do, he will help less and less.
I have passed this along to anyone
having a baby and I have truly believed it from the very beginning.
Biggest worry about your
child's/children's future?
Oh man, where do I even start?
Lately my worries have been about making friends, hurt feelings, that sort of
thing. It seriously starts so early and the thought of her being hurt is like a
dagger in my heart. Duke doesn’t have any words (except uh oh this AM) and I
really am worried about it. I also worry about raising my kids to know, really
know, the difference between right and wrong. To make the right choices even
when it’s not the choice your friends are making. I don’t want them to make
decisions I made. I want them to successfully make it through high school and
college.
What would you say to a mom who
is feeling down about herself as a mom?
Believe in YOU. Believe in your
relationship with that tiny human or big human or pint sized human. YOU are the
reason for that child. You will do what is right for your child and your
family. And everything else is minute. Ask for help. That’s something I’ve
learned since birthing children-I will drop groceries on your porch. I will
give you a hug. I will help you. Even if I don’t know you. Love yourself. If
you can’t love yourself and be true to you, it’s going to be hard to give that
immense love to others. Tomorrow is a new day. Embrace it. Move forward.
Do you feel like social media
has a positive or negative (or both) influence on motherhood?
Social media and I have an odd
relationship. I’ve taken long breaks from Facebook (my least favorite) and
Instagram too. My biggest beef with it all is that it’s a false identity. Most,
some are not, are a “my life is perfect, my kids are my savior, my husband is
THE BEST” falsehood of photos. My life is not like that. I pride my feeds and
my blog on being honest. Being real. My husband is a douche sometimes. My girls
and I text at 11 pm about how our 3 year olds were assholes today. I post
pictures of laundry and dirt and poop and barf. I also share those brilliant
proud smiles, the belly laughs, the date nights and camping trips and the
triumphs. It’s life. I have friends that say they’d die before showing all that
‘truth’, that people don’t need to see it. And ya know, whatever floats your
boat. But life is what it is. It doesn’t matter if you have barf, or if you
have perfection. Be real when you’re sharing. Because that one mom, she may not
have it together, she may be having the hardest day ever, and seeing your
‘perfection’ isn’t helping her. Unless of course your life is seriously peachy,
and barf/poop free, then post away! And I’ll be super jelly.
Have you
ever been in a situation (or witnessed one) where someone made you feel ashamed
for something you did as a mom? Were you able to overcome it? How? What are
your thoughts on mom shaming and how would you like to
see it change?
I couldn’t, not for lack of trying,
nurse my sweet babies. I have never felt more ashamed about anything in my
life. I know in my heart that I do not have to explain this to anyone. I don’t
owe anyone an explanation. But I still, years later, find myself reaching for
an explanation to give. A reason why. Maybe you won’t judge me if you hear me
explain how hard it was! Maybe you won’t give me that pitiful sigh if you just
hear me! I even had a very well-known and well respected LC use the phrase “so
you gave up?” when I was seeking help. WTF! I am an awesome mom and not
breastfeeding does not make me an less of a great mother. The bashing won’t
end. People will always find a reason to blame and tear another down. It’s
awful but it’s the truth. I think social media plays into that with the
oversharing. If we didn’t share so many photos and opinions of how we are
living our life, would there be so much comparing and in turn, shaming? If it’s
not this way or that, if your kid is eating a fruit snack that you didn’t make
or wearing a diaper that will sit in a landfill for a lifetime or if that milk
didn’t come from your boob, you’re damned. It’s awful and I pray that moms can
see past it and know deep in their heart that they are doing it exactly right.
Every mother’s “exactly right” is different.
What's one tip you would share
with future moms?
Hold your head high and hold strong
in what you believe is right for your family.
How or what do you want you kids
to remember you by?
I want my kids to remember that I
played on the ground with them, smiled a lot and loved them unconditionally.
That I always supported them. That I always held them to the highest standards
because of how deep and strong my love for them is.
What is something you miss about
life before your kids?
Picking up and just going. Leaving
on a whim and not wondering if I forgot extra clothes/diapers/wipes/a bottle.
What's something that people
close to you might not know?
I suffer from debilitating anxiety.
Everyday. Some days are better than others. Looking back on my life, I’ve
suffered from it since I was probably 4 or 5.
What inspires you most?
My husband. He is my biggest
cheerleader. He calls me out on my bull. He pushes me to be better, love
stronger and live the best life I can. He always sees the brighter side of a
situation where I tend to see the negative. I knew the night we met I would
marry him and have his babies.
Are you proud of yourself and
who you have become as a mom? Would you change anything?
I am so proud. At this moment, I
wouldn’t change anything.
Who are 3 inspiring mamas you
follow on Instagram?
Heidi Toevs. Her photography is
amazing. Everyday she posts beautiful photos: her kids playing in the rain and
mud (anxiety!), playing with dinosaurs, just being kiddos. She is going to have
the sweetest and most tender memories of her children forever. I also love her
house. Her decor and eye for the little things is spot on.
My mother in law. She isn’t on
Instagram but I really look up to her. Between her husband and herself, she has
8 children. All grown, most with their own kids, some divorced, some married, a
few that live here and a few far away. She never says no to me when I ask for
help. She has let me cry on her shoulder. When we have a disagreement, it
really never happens again because she respects me as a woman, as a wife to her
baby boy and most of all as a mother to her grandkids. Debbie wants the best
for everyone if her family and would give anything for any of us.
Tiffany Grey. @thegreygang I have
never met Tiffany and found her account while just browsing photos. But this
woman, her words are beyond wise and her life beyond beautiful. She posts the
truth. The witching hour, the kids on chairs reaching in the fridge. Sweet
moments, her in the bath with her eldest. Breastfeeding without abandon. Date
nights with her husband. She is totally inspiring.
Where can we follow you?
Instagram: @kellimarks4 (personal)
@themodernmarket (business)
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