Tell us about you:
Well, I am a mother of three
daughters and wife to a man who changed the way I viewed relationship and love.
I have a pretty big heart for others and deep curiosity into what it is that
connects us as human beings- I always want to know MORE.
My husband wakes up around six every
day because unlike me - he runs - which apparently is something I need to try
out.. just haven’t quite found my motivations yet. ha.
From there I get the girls ready for
school and kind of ride my day out - I tend to try and make plans to avoid
housework - if I’m meant to be completely honest. But aside from complete
avoidance of laundry and dishes I also work on my essential oil based skin line
as well as side projects I do for other companies. If I’m lucky I’ll squeeze in
time to write or make something but I normally have my (nearly) 2 year old with
me at all times and it feels as though she might be the busiest of the bunch,
so those times have become something of a luxury.
Since moving to Washington state my
priorities have kind of changed though, where coffee dates or lunch dates were
my way of getting out and being social - working through my extrovert natural
tendencies - now its hikes by the water or long walks to town to read and
relax. I think I may be a middle ground extrovert/introvert at this stage in
life - if that's possible?
This is something I’m JUST learning
on round three. I have always enjoyed creative outlets and have taken my two
older girls along for the ride - I think because I had them so close together
it was actually easier, kind of like they had a constant companion and were
always playing and (mostly) happily busy.
Since having Gwen and taking my job
into my own hands (entrepreneur) I have realized that Gwen is a busy, curious,
and endless energy kinda kid. I appreciate that and love that but it doesn’t
make it easy to get work done. Fortunately when we moved here we moved around
family, so starting about a month ago she goes to my step moms twice a week for
several hours so I can just focus on WORK, and let me tell you - its amazing
how when you have a limited amount of time sans babies you really accomplish a
whole lot more than you realize you could - mama power maybe? Or just sheer
desperation of getting everything done before times up? either way.
When did you know you wanted to be a
mom? Was it something you always knew or was there a certain moment?
I became a mom when I had no idea if
that was something I was looking for - I was super young, very lost, and
completely unprepared. I say that pretty shamelessly now because first off -
its the truth - and second off, the transformation of motherhood is strong. I
am a walking, talking example of the positivity that motherhood can have and I
am proud of the changes it brought to my life.
As far as moments go, when I was
about six months pregnant I went to Canada with my ex husband to explore
Vancouver. I had just started feeling my oldest, Indi, kick and I think that
affirmation of movement really made me accept the idea that this was in my
future - it made me excited for it. The amount I was bleeding was abnormal and
really very scary, and I was rushed to the hospital where I was tested positive
for amniotic fluid in the midst of the bleeding and that I was in risk for
infection, and needed to head state side to my doctor. It was two hours away
and the roads were covered in ice - we headed straight out of town and the
entire way back I felt her kick - I remember closing my eyes and thinking “I
have to protect her. I can’t lose her.” - It was my first moment in motherhood,
and it was terrifying - but I knew then what it was. I was meant to be her
mother and by a miracle and after many specialist visits and a hospital stay
later - my baby was completely fine. I see Indi as my entrance to reality - one
that is beautiful and full, only feeling more complete with each daughter.
Motherhood didn’t necessarily come by choice or necessarily easily to me - but
it came honestly, in its messy and overwhelming glory and I really do think I
was given the greatest gift by having it thrust upon me at such a young age,
like I did.
It made me prioritize how I lived my
life in a really huge way. I kind of floated along life before I had my
daughters - I had no real direction and I always assumed that my “bohemian”
lifestyle would carry me through and make a really great story for my kids to
tell. Only realizing after I had them that they were their own people - people
who needed stability and comfort in their home. My drifting ways weren’t
conducive for motherhood - and by changing for them I realized it was more of
an excuse for me to live without rules. I have learned how much I love
structure, love the comfort of not worrying about whats around the corner on a
larger sense - and the grounding having a home brings me. For someone who
lived a very flamboyant and loose lifestyle for many, many years - I feel like
this is extremely telling. Motherhood helped me find what I wanted for my own
life.
The hardest thing I struggle with is
discipline. I don’t want to break spirits for good behavior - and so I try a
lot of leveling and accepting. When one of the girls gets emotional, I try to
place myself in their shoes and remember that what they are saying is deeper
than the words they may be using, so there's a lot of affirmations there. I
don’t think people should feel shame for feeling but just learning how to
communicate it is my goal. Anyways, when they get really out of line I find
myself get frustrated and exhausted - its not always the easiest to navigate
though.
The most rewarding thing I’ve
experience in motherhood is seeing them find their passions - even if they are
temporary. My biggest goal as their mom is to help them find who they are -
even if its who they are right now - and to allow them to explore that without
shame. I want them to be confident in what they set forth to do - and to trust
their hearts and their own abilities.
What was your biggest fear about becoming a mother and what is your biggest fear as a mother now?
My mother and I have a pretty up and
down relationship. She never really understood me and it felt a lot like
rejection, even maybe slightly abusive. It was hard on me emotionally. I think
when I first had Indi I was in so much fear of her feeling that way about me -
that level of rejection - that It kind of ate me alive. It took me awhile to
realize that she won’t because I am not a mother like my mother was - and we
are all very individual. I think a lot of people have fear of embodying their
parents worst traits at first - and as you go you find your maturity in
yourself and in your parenting and it kind of is this “ah ha” moment of self
realization - and in return you find your own parenting style and feel
confident in it.
My biggest fear now is mostly that I
don’t affirm them enough - or I when I get too caught up in working and my
patience might get short along with my temper. I am learning boundaries and am
appreciating the reality that my few stress out moments won’t change their
lives - but its something I can work on.
Haha - read above answer. YES.
mostly when I’m working, or trying to work. My daughter (sorry for the
vulgarity) had diarrhea’d all over my bed (UGGHH) while I was writing an essay
the other day - then I cleaned that and she did it in the kitchen in the midst
- cleaned that put her in the bath - did it in there too. When you’re on dead
lines and you are trying to manage your own work on top of it - it can feel
pretty defeating - especially if you’re lacking sleep. Its usually those
moments where my husband shows up with a quad latte and/or a cocktail. He
knows.
“Its going to be okay. You’re going
to be okay.”
As simple and silly as that is - I
remind myself regularly, that no matter what happens - its going to be okay. In
my worst moments, ones where I truly questioned the outcome of life, it was
trusting in this mentality that helped me through it - and it has yet to fail
me. I’m always okay in the end, and life is usually better after overcoming
said obstacle, no matter the size.
Biggest worry about your child(ren)'s future(s)?
That's a loaded question. My worries
differ for each of them and their individual personalities, I suppose. But
mostly I just worry for their happiness and healthiness. That's all I could ask
for for them - because I’ve lived so many different walks of life and have come
to realize that's all that really matters. My life would be complete if I knew
they had that guarantee.
We all have been there. I genuinely
automatically judge (sorry, but I do.) people who act as though they have it
all together - or as if there is no "pain in the gain”, so to speak. This
job is important yes, but it is challenging and although our struggles may be
different - offering honest and sincere “ I feel you, girl” as a way to show that
we are not alone in the struggle can be really soothing - at least for me
personally - I can only assume its the same for others. No one wants to be
alone in this really complicated and hugely important journey that is
motherhood.
I stayed off it for awhile and
misused it for years. I still stay off Facebook because of the dramatics that I
noticed are still over there - but with Instagram I really do feel like I’ve lived
life with some of these women. Even making plans to visit some from out of
state, and having fairly good friendships based out of it. I see nothing wrong
with social media but still understand the grain of mentality - like I
mentioned before, I don’t trust the people who act as though its all gravy - in
the same breath this is a social media outlet, you can’t expect people to want
to fill their feed with heavy motherhood versus. I have had friends that have
deleted their accounts because they misconstrue it as “fake” instead of seeing
it as filtered. I’d imagine if you struggle with reality vs. filtered it could
make you feel pretty bad about your "un-anthropologie-esc” life, but rest
assured, those people with perfectly curated photos have babies that get
diarrhea too.
Well, I think this happens commonly.
The only people that made me feel like less of a mother were people that felt
insecure themselves. I have had friends that have been pretty damn (possibly
subconsciously) competitive. If I did something, they could do it better or
make me feel bad for doing it to begin with. It was really detrimental to my
well being and I have found myself distancing from those relationships.
I do think there is a huge movement
in women loving and supporting other women and mothers - and I think that's
pretty great. But overall I understand the need for convenience sometimes over
quality, for example, so I honestly don’t care if it was easier for you to get
your kids McDonalds. I don’t think there is much room for others to judge and I
think its pretty out of style to act above everyone. We are all human, and we
all deserve love - I refuse to participate in the poor character that
accompanies trash talking other women for no purpose other than ego.
I think a good way to start change
is to refuse to participate as well. No one feels cool when people don’t
respond to tasteless comments.
Its okay to cry, and its okay to
embrace the struggle - but knowing when to pick yourself up is key. You aren’t
alone.
I want them to remember that just
because life is complicated it doesn’t mean defeat - It's something I’ve worked
really hard for - and that as a mother I have loved and accepted them for who
they are as they were born to be. I truly believe they are the most wonderful
people and I am proud to be their mother.
Oh gosh - the ease and comfort of
grocery shopping, or having dates. That’ll come in time though and so that
complaint seems silly.
What's something that people close to you might not know?
I am the most open book in the world
- so that's a tough one. I have lived 9 lives already so I think some of my
friends and family would be really uncomfortable with the stories I have deep
inside of me. I always wanted to write an anthology of them anonymously - I
feel like it would sell well at Urban Outfitters gift section, a true
combination of entirely inappropriate mixed with uncomfortably hilarious... But
I don’t really need encourage anyone.
Human connection. I crave it. I love
learning about people and making meaningful relationships and it drives me to
grow beyond myself.
What is one question you would ask your mother (about
anything)?
I think I would more request
something - to be honest. I think her life would have been a whole lot less
complicated if she could be honest with herself.
I am still learning, and I imagine I
will be forever. I think I have come far, but beyond pride in myself - I’m
proud of my daughters - and the more I see good in them the more I become
satisfied with how I am doing.
@tiffany_noel @ladynoel
@mytinytribe
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