Tell us a little about you:
I'm a wife and stay at home Mama to
two boys and twin girls. I'm slightly (totally) addicted to coffee. I love a
good book, and adventure in the great outdoors, and need to make more time for
both.
What does a regular day look like
for you?
When the boys are out of school, our
days are pretty much spent hanging out at home. I try to incorporate a few
outings into our week, like the science center, a park, or a play date. But
honestly, with two 2 year olds who still nap, I feel pretty tied to the house
at this stage of our life. I look forward to the days when we can get out and
adventure more, but am *trying* not to rush through this phase of life.
How do you manage to balance
being a mom?
Sometimes I'm not sure that I do
balance life and motherhood well. I feel like it's a constant process, learning
how to be present and really make the most of their childhood, but also finding
time for myself, and to invest in my marriage.
When did you know you
wanted to be a mom? Was it something you always knew or was there a
certain moment?
I always knew I wanted to be a
mom. It's just something I always envisioned for myself.
How has motherhood
changed you?
I feel like motherhood has made me
less selfish, and more selfish, all at the same time. I find myself longing
(often) for alone time. I just want to drink a cup of coffee without heating it
up 16 times, and read a book for an hour uninterrupted, and take amazing
adventures, and pee alone. But because I'm a mother, these things aren't always
possible, so I am learning to set aside my wants and needs for the sake of
being an active and present mother.
What's the hardest thing
about being a mother? The most rewarding?
Motherhood, especially for stay at
home moms, can be lonely and isolating. I often feel like every day is the
same...wake up, breakfast, play time, break up fighting children, lunch, break
up fighting children, play time, dinner, baths, break up fighting children,
bed, do it all again tomorrow. The daily grind can definitely make you feel
weary. On the flip side of that, you have these little people who are crazy
about you, and you are crazy about them. You get to watch them learn and grow
and discover new things, and you don't miss any of it, and that's pretty
amazing.
What is your biggest fear as
a mother?
I don't really remember what my
greatest fear was about becoming a mother. It was probably something silly like
the amount of sleep I would lose. But now that I have 4 little people who have
been entrusted to me, there are plenty of fears. The fear that I will
completely screw them up and they will need therapy tops the list. I try so
hard to be loving and kind and patient, but my fuse is often short, and I snap
and raise my voice, and show my frustrations. And honestly, I worry a lot about
how this will impact them as adults. I worry that they will remember me as
impatient rather than loving.
Do you ever have "how
the heck am I going to this!?" moments?
Yes. All the time. But, we do it. We
conquer each "how the heck am I going to do this" thing, and then I
realize I can do that thing, and I move on to worrying about the next "how
the heck am I going to do this" thing. Does that make sense? :)
What's the best piece of
advice you have been given?
That all children are different, and
what worked for one person, might not work for my kids, with their
personalities and in our situation. That it's okay to learn through trial and
error, and to figure out for ourselves what works best for us.
Biggest worry about your
child's/children's future?
See 3 questions above.
What would you say to a mom
who is feeling down about herself as a mom?
I would say that we have all been
there, and we have all felt that way. I would acknowledge that the season she
is going through is hard, because sometimes you just need someone to agree that
motherhood is difficult and scary and lonely. I would encourage her that it
does get better, and would let her cry on my shoulder as long as she wanted,
because everyone knows a good cry fixes so many things.
Do you feel like social media
has a positive or negative (or both) influence on motherhood?
Definitely both. Social media has
connected me to so many mothers (who are now close friends) that I never would
have met otherwise. Social media has also made me feel like I don't feed my
kids healthy enough, or read to them enough, or decorate their rooms pretty
enough...and on and on and on. I think we have to be careful to find a good
balance. What we see is not the whole picture. It's easy to forget that and
compare ourselves to others.
Have
you ever been in a situation (or witnessed one) where someone made you feel
ashamed for something you did as a mom? Were you able to overcome it? How? What
are your thoughts on mom bashing and shaming and how would you
like to see it change?
I was eating lunch one day (in a
restaurant) with my Mom and my boys when they were much younger. We'd had a
long day and the boys were tired, and because of that, Grayson (who was 3 at
the time) was fidgety. There was a woman sitting at the table directly next to
ours, and I could feel her eyes on me the whole time. She even jumped up out of
her chair and gasped when Gray nearly fell off his chair when he tried to rock
it back and forth. As I was gathering my things to leave, she approached our
table and told me that if I wouldn't allow my children to drink sweet tea (they
weren't drinking sweet tea) they would behave better. Then she started to
lecture me on the effects of sugar. I stopped her, and told her that it was
none of her business what my children were drinking, and she needed to return
to her table. She said she was just trying to be helpful, to which I replied,
"you are not trying to be helpful, you are being rude". We had quite
the audience, as I'm sure my voice was much louder than I intended. She
returned to her table, mumbling the whole time. My Mom and I were able to have
a good laugh about it on the way home.
I would love to see Moms loving on
and supporting each other more. We really are all in this together, and doing
the best we can. Instead of shaming me, it would be great if that lady had
offered to clean off our table for us, or buy me a coffee, or just offered a
kind smile.
What's one tip you would
share with future moms?
Try not to take it all too
seriously. Laugh with your kids, and take time to play and be silly. (This
advice is for me too)
How or what do you want you
kids to remember you by?
I want them to remember me as kind
and loving. I want them to remember me as someone who reached out to people in
need, and welcomed people into our home and loved on them when they needed to
be loved on. I have a lot of work to do on this
one.
What is something you miss about
life before your kids?
When we were dating and early
married, Scott and I used to take weekend trips. We did a lot of hiking and
backpacking and weekend adventuring. I miss being able to take a spontaneous,
last minute trip.
What's something that
people close to you might not know?
Hmmmm. I can't really think of
anything. I feel like I'm pretty much an open book. An over-sharer,
actually.
What inspires you most?
People who are real and honest and
open. I'm inspired by other women who are willing to share the good and the
bad, their triumphs and their shortcomings.
What is one question you
would ask your mother (about anything)?
People often say, "They won't
be little forever. When they're grown and gone, you'll wish they were little
and at home again". I asked my Mom one day if this was true, if she wished
we were little again. My Mom is so wise. She said, "No. I don't. I loved
having small children, and enjoyed that time of your lives, but it wouldn't be
natural to want you to stay little forever. Every stage of life has value. I
enjoy my relationship with my adult children too, it's just different. Not
better or worse, just different".
Are you proud of yourself
and who you have become as a mom? Would you change anything?
In some ways, yes. I'm proud of the
way we love our children, and that we have worked hard to provide a stable,
safe and loving home for them. But I still have so much work to do. I'm such a
work in progress, and always will be.
Who are some inspiring mamas you
follow on Instagram?
@mandiejoy / @haverlee
/ @alison_winter
Where can we follow you?
@alilittle28 on Instagram
